All-Nighter Blues !

See My parents are planners. Planning kind of runs in the family. My father has my whole life planned in front of me- career paths/ options/ subject diversions/ my degrees and what not. My mother has my love life planned out: Before you’re 29 you need to bring me a Buhari- a bahun buhari she ‘alliterates’ (she has a list of other qualifying qualities as well), when you’re 30 I want a grand son and  four years later one grand daughter. “I can’t look after more than two grand children from your side.” she often says. I, however cannot plan shit ! Like, literally- no shitting schedule . My uncle says I need to have one. Weird family advice? No. As far as unwanted advises go this is one of his normal ones.

However, sometimes I plan-

At Sixteen hundred hours- I am Shocked

” How did the preceding 15 hours 59 minutes burn away like a shooting star?? My syllabus looks like a coreburnt over-baked cookie and my breathing lets out a mild stress signal. But Determination kicks in like a strong stick- “

At Seventeen Hundred hours- I am Satisfied

“By now I have mapped out my impending doom and have noted down on Clean A4 sheets my hazard reductions schemes, with graphical assertions of explanation to my potential flunker why my scores were low. This looks like an A class chronological action thread.”

At Eighteen hundred hours- I am elated

“So much efficiency. Mamu brings me a warm cuppa coffee. She looks around the room-stray sheets, photo copies, books surround me like I am their king- safe inside a well planned labyrinth of defense. But she knows very well that  the army will fail if the king doesn’t stand his height, and my navigational skill in my own labyrinth parallels that of a crow swimming towards the shore.”

At Nineteen hundred hours- I am naive

“I self suspect my skills. Negativity lurks around the corner of the room, So far my hourly study plan has not been breached, So I hold on. My resolve to not go online is still strong. My phone is silent. Dinner is cancelled. See- Digestion is an energy draining process. Bhat in stomach means the body will tap into the energy reserve to process that food. Which means I will lose valuable four hours until dinner would kick in. Snickers it is. It’s like I am trekking through my notes. “

At twenty hundred hours- I am Tethering

” A reliable Intel source informs me about a target with extreme high potential of occurrence- I need to download that information, somehow I find myself online. Is this a defeat ?  But I have enough time to make up for random positive diversions. History is  witness, Intel is important.”

At Twenty one hundred hours- I am thirsty

“Two rooms away in a cold closet hides a chilled can of energy- legend has it that it can give normal mortals like me  wings.”

At Twenty two hundred hours- I am taken aback

” As much as I want to Not put any thought to the immensity of my pursuit- to not startle myself, Reality is fingering my hyper caffeinated sugar high brain. I try to focus. Drink some water. Relieve myself. Play a little Fruit ninja. My skill in cutting virtual fruits is sick bro ! “

At Twenty three hundred hours- I am Tight

” The day is long dead, I have checked out multiple items on my drawn re-drawn and re-re-re-drawn list of Core Concepts you gotta know before nine tomorrow. ”  I am a little behind on my planned schedule, but I feel it’s more about learning. I feel enlightened about the subject matter already. If only I had done this the previous night….. “

At zero hour- I am watching porn.

“Yeah yeah yeah ! I know. Shut The Fuck Up. “

At one hundred hour- I blame my father.

“I blame my parents for my decision to join an engineering college.I hate my life. To hell with this shit.  I am going to sleep.”

At two hundred hours- I am two faced

” Half my face is asleep- half my face is worried- My eyes are open but they see nothing. My muscles twitch. The light is white and the paper is blank. No I did not go to sleep.”

At Three hundred hours- I am Terrified.

” I have been awake for twenty two hours now.And I don’t know Fuck ! “

At Four hundred hours- I am Fucked.


At Five- Still Fucked.


At six- I am sickened

“But I did brush my teeth. Have a cup of Coffee. Take a bath and decided to revise all that I have covered through the night.  See what you have known is not important, What you remember is.”

At seven- I am Sly

“I am making external hard drives for information too volatile for my head. Those big sheets have become flash cards. Really tiny Flash cards. And I feel well prepared. “

At Eight- I am eating

“My exams are some how major events at home- So Early lunch on exam days is a ritual. Mom makes amazing food. ani hijo dekhin bhat khako chaina– Bhat power bijayi rahos ! My effort through the night has fractured the smile on my face, but mom doesnt complain. She knows I might just expel all my frustration on them, give em a guilt trip and storm out of home on an exam day. But I Keep my cool”

At nine-  I am nothing.

” I walk carefully, I am afraid walking frisky or shaking my head too much will ruin the arrangement of information in my head. I do not talk much to my friends. I keep quiet. I do not read anything more. Do not revise. I am just sitting in my favourite chiya pasal outside my college gate waiting for the clock to turn 10. It’s a Meditative State”

At ten- I am terrified

“But I dont let the terror show. See there is no point in worrying now. What has happened had happened for good, What is happening is happening for good and what will happen will happen for good too. We are mere mortals there is no point in worrying. It’s all written before hand. I take a look around. Fellow classmates with their heads in their notes. Stupid people- There is more to life than just a stupid test. “

At Eleven hundred hours- I am Examined.

” Literally “

At Twelve hundred hours- I am tenacious

” The calculator on my side has only been used to calculate how many questions I need to attempt in order to increase the probability of passing this test. The intel I received yesterday played out very nice. It looks like the night is not wasted. It could have been better, but like all things- if it’s not going bad- I am not complaining. I am enterprising. A true engineer makes do with what ever resources he has. “

At Thirteen hundred hours- I am tired.

” It’s been more than twenty four hours- I am awake. I have unloaded information on my paper like a donkey unloads sacks at the end of the trip. It’s just a bunch of shit, written intentionally to confuse those that will read my trashy information vomit. I am done already. Everyone else is writing. I am just gonna sit thru all three hours- that way karma will be inclined to pass me. “

At Fourteen hundred hours- I am Frantic

“All I want to do is go home and sleep and pass and take a deep breath. I get on my bike and head home. Away from any soul that has taken the test  with me. There is no tragedy greater in life than to discover your mistakes before the test results come out.”

At Fifteen hundred Hours- I am flushed

“Flushed out of energy or words or things to think about. I just wannnnt to sleep.”

At Sixteen hundred hours- I am subliminal 

“I know exactly how the preceding 23 hours 59 minutes passed. Slowly like a old bullet stuck in your nerve end- ever paining. All I care about is sleep and I am stiff on my bed lying motion less like a strong stick. “


I am a horrible planner.


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